For one reason or another, I spend a lot of time thinking about TV. So I took a look into my crystal ball to make some predictions about some of this fall’s new shows as well as some of the returning favorites.
- “Mike & Molly” will be referred to as a “new hit comedy” in a CBS promo before Halloween: As much as I hate to admit it, I think CBS could put “22 minutes of Burping and Farting” on in the Monday night slot behind “Two & a Half Men” and still control the time slot. There are just too many people out there that tune into the low-brow, easy joke humor of “Two & a Half Men” that just won’t change the channel at the bottom of the hour. It’s sad but true. (Odds – Even money)
- Someone you know will say “Wasn’t ‘House’ better before House and Cuddy hooked up?” before Christmas: “House” is making a bit of a classic mistake by having it’s long-running sexual tension machine grind to a halt this season. While we’ve spent the last two years getting head faked and bamboozled by this relationship, now they’re really together (and we’ve been assured that it’s not another hallucination). Unfortunately, sexual tension is always better if there’s no…well..sex. In recent memory only “Friends” has managed to keep up the sparks after the characters have taken things to the next sexy level. Chances are at least one person you know that likes “House” will hate this season for this reason. (Odds – 3:1)
- NBC will cancel “Law & Order: LA” after less than <doink, doink> one season. It will also be moved around on the schedule at least once: Over the last few years, the new fad has been to expand successful franchises by having multiple shows under the same over-arching brand. “Law & Order” was first with the additions of “SVU” and “Criminal Intent” with “CSI” and “NCIS” following in those footsteps. Unfortunately, NBC decided that they could never get too much of a good thing and expanded the L&O franchise even more and had a few failures (Remember “Law & Order: Trial by Jury” and the reality show “Law & Order: Crime and Punishment”?). So last year, NBC decided to cancel the now low-rated original “Law & Order” while simultaneously picking up “Law & Order: Los Angeles”. That’s literally like saying “we understand you don’t like our chicken dish so we’re taking it off the menu and replacing it with this chicken dish.” They’re going to regret it. (Odds – 2:1)
- We will find out what “The Event” is from a press release, comic book adaptation or fan fiction: When will they learn? Since the success of the first year of “Lost”, all of the networks have been trying to launch the next big serialized drama. Unfortunately, getting viewers to commit to a show that’s thick with mythology and short on answers early on takes a bit more time than most networks are willing to invest. For every “Lost” or “Fringe” there’s a “FlashForward”, “Virtuality”, “Dollhouse”, “Heroes” (which, in my mind ended after the first half of the first season finale), “Jericho”, etc. Thus we’re more likely to read an article about what would have happened in the second season of “The Event” than to actually see the second season of “The Event”. Sorry, Blair Underwood! (Odds – 3:1)
- FOX News will have Parents Television Council President Brett Bozell on to talk about how offensive CBS’s “$#*! My Dad Says” or CW’s “Gossip Girl” are: Just like the standard “Boy it’s hot out here!” summer story or “Boy it’s cold out here!” winter story, every fall the Parents Television Council trots out Brett and his army of fundamentalist whackos who want to tell you what not to watch on TV if you don’t want to go to hell. Ironically, FOX News loves to have Brett on to yell about the content of other network’s shows but he always seems to forget that things like “Family Guy” and Gordon Ramsay’s swear-fest “Hell’s Kitchen” are on their sister network. (Odds of feigned outrage – Even Money)
- You still won’t watch “Supernatural” even though everyone says it’s awesome: It’s on Friday nights at 9pm…on the CW…and you’ve totally got better things to do. Eventually you’ll watch it on DVD, but that won’t help those actors keep their jobs, will? If only it were about vampires, everybody and their sister would be watching it. Unfortunately, it’s about angels and demons or Mormons or something. (Odds – Even money)
Lightning Round Predictions (Because I am so good at lightning rounds)
- “Modern Family” will replace “Two & a Half Men” as TV’s #1 comedy (Odds – 3:1)
- Ratings for “Grey’s Anatomy” will fall to the point that this will be it’s next to last season (Odds – 2:1)
- Ditto for “Desperate Housewives” (Odds – Even Money)
- Judy Greer will appear as a guest star in no less than 3 network shows this season (Odds – 3:1)
- “Dancing with the Stars” will take an “American Idol”-like ratings hit this year (Odds – 4:1)
Speaking of “Idol” here’s my big prediction of the year:
- The Re-vamped “American Idol” will see such a dip in ratings, FOX will pull it off the air for at least 18 months in an attempt to save the franchise (Odds of the mighty falling – 2:1)
